Body Experiments I

With Shake Weights, Ab Rowers, Total Gyms, and programs like Zumba, P90X, and Insanity how is it that we do not have a population of rock hard bodies running marathons and outliving past generations? The answer is lack of brainpower. It isn't even a lack of ability, but a lack of will to think. We do not possess the knowledge to properly fuel and shape our bodies because we are too lazy to learn how. Dean Karnazes said it best - "Somewhere along the line, we seem to have confused comfort with happiness". Sure having that perfect body would make us happy but getting it is simply not comfortable. We are quite content letting someone else do the thinking for us, which is fine when the sources are legitimate, but often we do not even bother to figure that part out and end up crash dieting or in possession of the latest fitness gizmo. We believe the promises of magic pills and potions and miracle machines that can transform us in minutes. I figure nutrition and exercise are applied sciences so along with a few other people I know, we are going to apply "proven" techniques and methods and see if they really do work. The following blog post chronicles our adventures.

Now before we went ahead and began our fitness shenanigans we took "before" photos. I have posted my terrible "before" photos in the past despite how terrible they were (you can see an example in a previous post). Did I mention they were terrible? Anyway, it seems my compatriots are a little less inclined to "show off" so I have come up with a perfect solution - anonymous photos! By "anonymous" I mean that I will cover their faces with various Mortal Kombat ninja masks and refer to them by Mortal Kombat characters. Thought it would be fitting since the new Mortal Kombat game is coming out in March. If you hadn't guessed, I am a huge geek that got interested in fitness as of late.

Let us begin with our Xers. Or rather P90Xers. P90X promises body transformation in just 90 days by simply following a program of workout DVDs at home and all you need are dumbbells and a pull up bar (or resistance bands if you are lacking either). Our first guinea pig is Reptile. Reptile can literally be described as someone who has never worked out a day in his life. Unfortunately due to a debilitating internal injury Reptile had to take time off from the program. Hopefully he will continue and complete the program in 2011!

Along with Reptile, Ermac took the P90X challenge as well. Ermac once played sports but began living a sedentary life of video games and watching movies. Ermac completed the program! He lost about 25lbs total which was a combination of losing a ton of fat and gaining heavier muscle mass. Ermac did not quite follow the meal plan but his results were still great. Fired up, Ermac planned to do a second round of P90X but due to a shoulder injury is currently inactive. He will restart the program when his shoulder is better. During the interim, the weight he lost stayed off due to better eating habits despite not working out. Hey, after next round I bet Ermac will be confident enough to lose the shirt.

Sub Zero decided he would attempt the program himself. This will be his second attempt as Sub Zero's greatest handicap is accountability and persistence. P90X is not an easy program and often times causes people to quit because it takes people out of their comfort zones. Let's hope Sub Zero sticks with it considering it definitely works as evidenced from Ermac's results as well as my own.



Insanity is another program we put to the test (I am currently in my 2nd round...kinda - I'm adding 3 days of P90X per week). Insanity is another DVD program like P90X only with more of a cardio focus and no equipment necessary. Noob is currently in his 2nd week of Insanity and the transformation is already quite apparent. Noob initially had terrible cardio and very poor eating habits. He is actually doing a better job of his first round than I did initially as he is following a better nutrition plan. In two weeks I will post up his 30 day results and there will definitely be clear progress.

Scorpion is also testing a "proven" method to reshape his body. He is testing a program that promised gains of 34 lbs of lean muscle in 28 days with only 2 workouts a week (30 minutes each). The total workout time for the entire month is 4 hours! Scorpion was intrigued so he decided to attempt the program. The details can be found in the book "4-Hour Body" by Tim Ferriss and includes such techniques as doing all workouts to failure, using a 5 count cadence (that means each movement takes 5 seconds positive and negative so they are very very slow moves), and guzzling a ton of milk. Scorpion has a long history of working out until just recently (couple month hiatus before starting the regimen) and came close to puking during a few of those "short" 30 minute workouts. The method seems to be pretty effective so far - again as with Noob the 30 day photos should demonstrate the effectiveness.

I myself, am also putting specific techniques to the test. The "4-Hour Body" has a chapter on using temperature manipulation to lose fat. In this case I use cold showers to activate specific responses in the body to actually burn fat. That's right, cold showers to lose fat! I have to say it is working pretty well. I don't feel like I have much fat to begin with but I am definitely getting more and more defined. I would like to attribute the gains to this crazy cold shower technique.

Hopefully when everyone gets their desired results they will be brave enough to "unmask"! We'll see in 2 weeks...hopefully we'll have more folks joining us in body experiments!

Linkin...I am your fatherrr...

This is going to be a long one...

January 28^th 2011 – The date I become a father! Alyssa (my wife) became a mother nine months ago, but January 28^th was my turn to transform into a “parent”. As they say, women are mothers when they become pregnant and men become fathers when their child is born. It’s going to be an exciting year.

 A week after the new year we would complete the final prep of our home for the new addition. Alyssa’s ankles no longer exist due to swelling and we were certain this baby would come early. Possibly the 2^nd week of January, but we were told that the 1^st born tend to come either on time or even later than the due date. We weren’t buying it so we would make sure to be completely ready by the 2^nd week of January just in case. By the end of the month it would be go time. I couldn’t believe on January 28^th my son would be born! I especially can’t believe it now mainly because he decided to come into this world 20 days early! 

Thursday (January 6^th) – I finally complete building the crib. The crib would be the final piece of furniture to be set in our baby’s room. I joke to Alyssa that I can’t finish the crib yet because when the crib is complete our son will know it and decide to come out. She laughs. She insists. The crib is built. That evening, Alyssa started to get random cramps (on again off again cramps since a week ago which is why she started her maternity leave on Thursday). Braxton Hicks contractions they were called. Her body would begin the process of prepping for child birth. On another note Alyssa’s mother Ellen gave us an early 1 year anniversary present (married February 4^th, 2010) and insisted we open it. It was a hand held HD video camera. I would assume for use when our son would be born.

Friday (January 7^th) – Snow. I head into work fully expecting to be shut down due to inclement weather. We were told to expect 3-6 inches starting at noon and accumulations of 1 inch every hour thereafter. Surprise, the snow came early and there were no plows to be seen on the way to work. Dangerous driving – you can ask the curb I ran over as I turned onto the highway. Good thing by the afternoon the snow stopped and roads were getting cleared. It was time to head on home and take care of a cramping wife but not before stopping at whole foods for dinner and various foodstuffs as we may be getting more snow Saturday preventing a supply trip over the weekend.

I get home about seven or eight and I yell to the cabby “Yo homes, smell you later!”…sorry I couldn’t help myself. I did get home at around seven or eight. Just in time to prepare some dinner and relax with Alyssa by watching the Ironman 2010 World Championship. It was pretty awesome and provided some distraction between bouts of cramps Alyssa had started feeling since Thursday night. They seemed to be more frequent now and I scrambled the jets so to speak. I issued a complete schedule change for Saturday to allow me to leave work at any point in the event Alyssa needed to go to the hospital. Probably not but I rather be safe than sorry. Alyssa insisted it was unnecessary.

I told my mother the situation and she insisted on calling the doctor and taking Alyssa to the hospital. “My mom is so funny – she thinks you’re going to have the baby like today” I laughed to Alyssa as we both exchanged smirks. If your cramps continue tomorrow maybe we’ll call the doctor and see what’s what.

Soon after, my brother arrived with a “friend of a friend” named Gursh. Tonight was a training night for the Tough Mudder we would be a part of this coming April (donate on my behalf to the Wounded Warrior Project by clicking the link! Or register as spectators and take photos of us on event day!...I know, shameless plug). Anyway, my brother made his way to the basement for some weight training and Gursh found his way to the gym to do some cardio training by way of Insanity.

I decide to pop back to the living room and check on Alyssa and find that her cramps are now every 6 minutes on the dot! Hmm maybe these aren’t cramps after all. Alyssa thinks otherwise as she says “If these are contractions then I’m a happy camper – They hurt but it’s not that bad”. Then they got that bad. The cramps started to completely double her over and prevent her from speaking until they passed. Ok, time to call the doctor."No what if it's nothing, I don't want the doctor to get up for no reason". I ignored her.

We called her doctor and in the middle of the conversation she throws the phone on the floor and points at it. I pick up the phone - “Hey doc she’s down to having these cramps every 4 minutes and she can’t talk when she has them”. We were told to head to the hospital. I take the baby bag just in case. Alyssa heads to the bathroom and fixes her hair. I head to the kitchen and prepare a shake to bring with us. Gursh is now with us as his workout is complete and can’t seem to believe what we are doing and the pace at which we are doing it.

I tell Gursh to relax and go warm up the car. He runs out the door and is back in a flash. Best, butler, ever. I tell my brother downstairs to lock up when he’s done working out and tell him we’re headed over to the hospital. He runs up the stairs with excitement repeating “really?!” I tell him to relax finish his workout and I’ll let him know what is up when we get to the hospital.

We were finally on our way and all I remember pulling out of the driveway was Gursh standing in our doorway watching us depart looking as if he was going into labor. The car ride was pretty calm and in fact we both were laughing. I was laughing as Alyssa was pulling a Jekyll & Hyde going from pained breathing exercises to giving very calm directions. She was laughing because she realized why I was laughing. I didn’t know the way to the hospital and GPS was not working so we were left with driving over by sight. It Worked. Then I go the wrong way into the emergency room entrance as we weren’t very familiar with the hospital. Apparently it would have been a good idea to take a hospital tour before the final month of pregnancy to acquaint yourself.

Saturday (January 8^th) – We make it up to "labor and delivery" at midnight and settle in. A nurse came by to examine Alyssa and see what her “cramps” were. “You are 2 cm dilated – you’re in labor”.  Alyssa’s face said it all. It was go time. As the nurse readies various monitors Alyssa asks me to call her mother and let her know. Ellen (her mother) is over the moon and is ready to jump in the car and rush over. I tell her to hold off as it may be awhile before pushing starts. “What did my mom say?” she asked as the nurse was prepping the area. I answered “She’s pregnant?!”. The look on the nurse’s face said it all. I laughed.

In the next 3 hours Alyssa went from 2cm to just about full 10cm water breaking along the way. She didn’t take anything to increase contractions or have her water breached which I later learned was what normally occurs. I would assume babies “normally” come on time as well. Alyssa did however opt for the epidural. It was amazing to see her go from almost complete pain blackouts to not even realizing she was having contractions.

By the push time Ellen and my father had arrived. My brothers were ready to head over hours before as well but we told them to sit tight as dilation could take 10-12 hours. I’m sure it was killing my mother to be on shift at another hospital until 7am which prevented her from rushing over.

The doctor arrived with a nurse and began the final prep.  My dad was shooed away and everyone took positions. Alyssa was center stage, the doctor in front of her, the nurse held one leg, and I held the other. Ellen was posted back against the wall holding the camera. I thought Ellen may push herself through that wall. This was completely not what I expected. I wasn’t in scrubs, there were no giant operating lights overhead, and there wasn’t a team of nurses to assist. It was the doctor, the nurse, myself, a wide-eyed paparazzi named Ellen and the star of the show Alyssa.

It was just like the car ride. Alyssa would push during contractions until she was purple in the face and in between would proceed with normal calm conversation ordering her mother to take good pictures. In fact when the doctor told me “look, you can see his head” Alyssa asked me to take a picture. I declined. Was this girl crazy?! Not to go against the theme of “sooner rather than later”, our son decides to make his grand entrance after only 15 minutes of pushing. Linkin Gray Dimaya was born at 6:55 A.M, 20 days early, weighing in at 5.7 lbs and 19.25 inches in length. (insert Inception noise)

Alyssa used to wonder why mothers on various TV shows would hold their baby right after birth as “they have all this goo on them – gross”. She knows why now. Speaking of gross this is from the girl who said “Wait, Mike quick take a picture of the placenta!” I love my wife. As soon as Linkin was laid on her chest she embraced him and her face puckered completely like she ate the most sour crybaby candy of her life. I’m pretty sure I was pretty amazed myself as my father told me while he waited outside he could hear me repeat “oh my god, oh my god” right before he heard Linkin’s first cry.

I still can’t believe I had Alyssa’s foot on my chest and I was pushing her leg against her. Whatever happened to holding hands and going “hoo hoo hee”? I also found myself contracting my core and holding my breath as she pushed. It was pretty funny. I asked her how long before she would start with all the biased amazement of every little thing Linkin related. She lasted 10 seconds as he immediately put his finger in his mouth after being given to her and she said “Oh my god, he’s so smart – self soother!”

So now I am officially a father. I can’t wait to run through life with him and Alyssa watching him grow while I take all the credit for all his accomplishments. Can’t wait to teach him how to play Xbox, how to draw superheroes, that comics are cool, how to manipulate body temperature to shed fat, what to eat to maximize nutrients and hit target caloric intake, that those seeds from chia pets are good for you, how to enjoy a great book, great movie, great music, great food, how to conjugate and decline in Latin, about the bonds of family and that blood is not a requisite for family, how to love and let yourself be loved, and that he will find all the answers I don’t have.

I used to be asked “what do you want to be when you grow up?” and my answers were paleontologist (1^st grade!), mutant, programmer, artist, hero, fighter, marine, top gun, and scientist. Now I finally know the answer. The answer was simple. All I wanted to be, all I’ve been waiting to do was be a husband, a father – her husband and his father. It feels like I’ve been in a coma for 27 years and have now just woken up.

By the way – congratulations if you made it to the end of this post!

Superhuman

It is thought that superhuman abilities are found exclusively in the realm of fiction. Open up a comic book and you will see unimaginable feats of strength, lasers shot out of eyes, and beings moving faster than light itself. What many do not realize however is that all of us possess tremendous ability but lack the belief to wield it. The source is in our skulls. Our brains have many functions but one function in particular allows us to blur the line between human and superhuman. It is the ability to believe. The inability to use this function is one of the most restricting factors in our lives. We have such a hard time believing, especially in believing just how far our limits lie. Those who can do and those who cannot are separated only by belief.

Once upon a time scientists conducted studies and determined that it is humanly impossible to run a mile in under 4 minutes. That is until Roger Bannister came along and believed he could break this limit and proved science wrong. Since then, that limit has been broken time and again - even by high school students. Bannister's story is an old tale yet we still fail to believe in the simplest of things. We don't believe we can get six pack abs, we don't believe we can stop smoking, we don't even believe we can lose a few pounds. Yet out there are superhumans redefining what we are capable of. We cannot possibly run a marathon, yet in 2006 Dean Karnazes ran 50 marathons, in 50 states, in 50 consecutive days! We are too old and have lost our youthful vigor, yet this past year Lew Hollander completed the Iron Man at age 80! It was his 21st Iron Man event which he began participating in at the ripe age of 59. Anyone, anywhere, anytime can choose to become superhuman and you don't even need to order a shake weight to do it. And if your still wondering, yes we can fly, I'll leave you with the proof...